Fictional Pulp

Film Review: Terminator Salvation

2009-06-26T23:31:00.003+01:00

AFTER two cult masterpieces and a money-spinning 'threequel', the latest movie in the Terminator franchise - Terminator Salvation - hits the silver screen this month.
I ventured into the movie expecting technical wizardry, huge explosions and a whole load of gunfire. I wasn't disappointed.
To be perfectly honest, there isn't a lot to be said outside of the above - the 'plot' is really rather ridiculous, most of the acting is passable at best, and the characters are pretty one-dimensional. But then again...this is a Terminator movie!
What can be said is that once again, Christian Bale, who steps into the shoes of infamous protagonist John Connor, finds himself upstaged by an actor in the supporting role.
Digressing from the subject at hand for a moment - has Bale ever managed to steal the show in a movie? Despite taking on so many lead roles, he always seems to come off second best.
Anyway, he is by no means terrible in Salvation, but Sam Worthington, in the role of mysterious death-row inmate Marcus Wright - who donates his body to medical experimentation and gets more than he bargained for - outshines Mr Bale without too much effort.
There are a couple of interesting cameos - with Helena Bonham Carter pitching up at the very beginning, and even 'Arnie' himself making a somewhat unorthodox appearance!
Basically, if you're heading to see Terminator Salvation expecting anything epic, anything deep and meaningful and anything that will stand alongside true cinematic classics, then you're about to watch the wrong movie.
But if you're a sucker for high-octane thrills and stunning CGI then you're in for quite a treat!

Film Review: The Last House on the Left (2009)

2009-06-06T14:40:00.001+01:00

REMAKES of classic movies – especially those in the horror genre – often come under heavy criticism from cinema-going purists across the globe.
None more so than this year's remake of classic 'video nasty' The Last House on the Left, with many fans of the belief that a modernisation of the movie shouldn't even have been suggested to begin with, let alone actually made.
Personally, as a strong supporter of the horror remake, I was firmly in the 'pro' camp and excited to hear the cult classic would be given a new lease of life in 2009.
If I had any doubts at all about the necessity of remakes in the movie universe, those doubts were well and truly allayed after I'd finished watching the Last House on the Left's 21st century shake-up.
Far from desecrating the legacy of Wes Craven's original, this remake almost complements it – and is even co-produced by the legendary director himself – taking the brutality of its 1972 parent movie a giant leap further than viewers could have ever imagined.
The film begins with the Collingwood family – parents Emma and John, and daughter Mari – heading out on vacation to their lake house.
Mari drives into town to spend time with her friend Paige, and the two are subsequently invited to smoke cannabis with teenager Justin, who is passing through town.
The trio are interrupted by the return of Justin's father Krug, his uncle Francis and Krug's girlfriend Sadie, who are on the run from the police.
Deciding it is too risky to allow the girls to leave, the gang kidnap them and attempt to leave town, but a struggle between the antagonists and their victims ensues and the contingent find themselves in the woods.
From here, the brutality is unspeakable – especially on a family-friendly blog such as this – but incredibly compelling nonetheless, as the viewer is confronted with harsh issues including sexual assault, the struggle for power and the quest for revenge.
The cast is relatively low-key, but the performances are first class; while director Dennis Iliadis must be commended for the superb and relentless sense of dread throughout the flick.
The Last House on the Left is by far the best horror remake I've seen to date, and should go some way towards silencing the critics, although I'm sure the most die-hard detractors will find something to hate. There's just no pleasing some people!

Film Review: X-Men Origins: Wolverine

2009-06-06T14:37:00.003+01:00

COMIC book movies have never been more in-demand than they are right now, and one which has been quenching the thirst of animation-adaptation fans this year is X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
By far the most popular of all the X-Men characters, James 'Logan' Howlett (aka Wolverine), has one of the most interesting and complex back stories in the Marvel Comics universe, and it seems only fitting that this story is finally being told on the silver screen.
The story begins with a portrayal of a young James Howlett – mutated bone claws and all – alongside his brother Victor Creed (aka Sabretooth), using their regenerative powers to fight side by side in several historic battles, from the American Civil War to Vietnam.
Eventually, they become part of an elite team of mutants known as Team X, but fractures in their relationship begin to occur, resulting in Wolverine's self-imposed exit from the group.
There are a few flaws and plot holes in the early stages – and indeed throughout – but provided you're willing to suspend your disbelief, these minor inaccuracies don't get in the way too much.
As the story unfolds, we learn more about Wolverine's tortured past, as well as witnessing the introduction of several much-loved Marvel characters including Gambit, Emma Frost, Silver Fox and master swordsman Deadpool.
Some of these silver screen debuts truly hit the mark, with Taylor Kitsch's turn as the card-throwing and highly skilled kinetic energy manipulator Gambit being the absolute pick of the bunch.
Deadpool may not be the character many fans of the comics remember, but his cinematic transformation is far from sacrilegious, and gives him a much more sinister edge.
Of course, highest praise must be given to the colossal Hugh Jackman, whose casting as Wolverine remains a true masterstroke to this day.
The fight sequences are superbly crafted – although one is played for laughs and fails miserably – and the special effects are breathtaking.
Overall it's a fun but flawed outing which could have been better, although it will surely serve as a platform for future spin-offs and prequels in the X-Men franchise.

Film Review: Twilight

2009-04-24T15:02:00.001+01:00

HAVING finally got round to reading the first book of Stephanie Meyer's hugely successful Twilight saga over recent weeks, I was brimming with anticipation for the film adaptation's DVD release.
What I found was a jumbled, often rushed and downright confusing mess that, quite bizarrely, still managed to provide an excellent two hours' entertainment.
As a standalone film, Twilight is a brilliantly shot, excellently casted and well told story of new school struggles, teenage romance and, of course, vampires.
When viewed as an adaptation, however, all of the tingly and magical moments found in the film's literary counterpart seem to have been wrongfully edited away.
For instance, and without giving too much away, the forest scene which provides a hugely pivotal sequence of events in the novel doesn't receive the focus it perhaps deserves, and seems far too short in the film.
By way of contrast, the infamous baseball game is a wonderfully crafted set piece, which is a real credit to director Catherine Hardwicke.
The performances are all top notch too, especially that of Robert Pattinson in the role of vampiric heartthrob Edward Cullen.
Kristen Stewart's portrayal of Isabella Swan is accurate to the minutest detail, as she struggles with self-deprecation, her undying love for Edward and the very real danger of her neck being the next item on his menu!
Further praise must be given to the beautiful cinematography, a large amount of which was filmed using hand-held cameras, making the movie a real visual treat if nothing else.
Ultimately, it is certainly a film worth watching – for those who have read the novel, it should prove an interesting, if slightly lacking, experience; and for those who haven't, it is a fun-filled and contemporary take on the ancient folklore of the vampire – but there is still a genuine feeling that it could have been much, much better.
Hopefully the upcoming sequel, New Moon, which is due for release in November, will contain a lot more bite than its predecessor!

Album Review: Abi Moore - Things We Should've Said

2009-02-23T13:53:00.002Z

WHENEVER a singer-songwriter begins to make any kind of waves in the music industry, it is common practice for critics to liken them to as many other artists as they can think of.
With Abi Moore, that is a very difficult thing to do. To put it bluntly, she sounds like Abi Moore, and if you haven't heard of her yet, then you're about to!
Abi's second album, Things We Should've Said, is a confident outing, often sassy at times, and with a really strong underlying message of optimism and hope.
If the lyrical content of this album must be likened to anyone else's, then Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. would probably be the first name springing to mind.
The album features strikingly-titled songs such as 'Has the Whole World Come Undone?' and 'World Leaders and Power Seekers' which are laced with legitimate questions as to whether ordinary people can change the state of the world; and while her dreams of seeing a change for the better may never be realised, at least she's bold enough to try.
The latter of the aforementioned tracks features a multitude of deliciously cynical couplets, with the superb "We'd rather vote for the cabaret star of the year, than vote for a leader to free our country of fear" being the absolute pick of the bunch.
It’s not all pop and politics, however, and there are some deeply emotional numbers here too, namely the six-minute album closer Tell Everyone.
Her voice boasts an immense beauty which should touch your inner soul and have the hairs on the back of your neck standing to attention from the album's very beginning.
All in all, Things We Should've Said is as near to the perfect album as you're ever likely to hear, and that is no exaggeration.
There is only so long talents like Abi can stay undiscovered by the masses, and while she must never lose her independent roots, if she isn't performing at the Glastonbury Festival within the next few years, I fear Abi's very own idea that the world has come undone may be more accurate than not!

The album is released on Saturday, March 7.

Blogger's Viewpoint: Learning Curve

2009-02-20T13:05:00.002Z

I'll update this entry later today (or over the weekend) with a brief rundown of how I feel my writing is coming along. I may have been offering my views and reviews since I was at school, but I'm still learning the art, and know that I need to improve if I'm to make a living from my 'talents'.

Anyways, more from me later. Ciao for now!

Film Review: This Is England

2009-02-20T13:03:00.002Z

IN a week where the (supposed) best of British has been celebrated at the star-studded Brit Awards Ceremony, it seems only fitting that Shane Meadows' deeply moving drama This Is England finds itself on our screens this weekend.
The film is a semi-autobiographical tale set in 1980s Britain, focusing on 12-year-old Shaun Field, who befriends a small gang of skinheads and is drawn into a world of racism and violence.
Having been bullied at school about his father's death in the Falklands War, Shaun is on his way home when he finds solace in the company of the skinhead youths, who decide to take him under their wing.
All seems well until the group is divided by the return of their intimidating nationalist leader Combo following his release from prison.
Blaming the country's economic woes and increasing unemployment rates on the rise of ethnic minorities in England, Combo plays on the loss of Shaun's father in order to convert the youngster's mindset.
After attending a National Front meeting, Combo and his new recruit begin to terrorise the local Pakistani community, but before long, Combo's internal battles start to surface, resulting in a shocking explosion of hatred and envy and transforming Shaun's way of thinking for a second time.
The movie is full of stellar performances, but none more so than that of the young Thomas Turgoose, who plays Shaun, as he encapsulates both the innocence of youth and the rawness of the working class perfectly.
Credit must also go to Stephen Graham for his jaw-dropping turn as the intensely terrifying Combo.
Having already brought us unique works such as Once Upon a Time in the Midlands and the truly epic Dead Man's Shoes, Shane Meadows' distinctive directorial stamp is once again evident throughout this picture, with the film set deep in the bleak and impoverished Midlands during Margaret Thatcher's reign.
Ultimately uplifting and with a clear message, This Is England is a genuine 'must-see' movie, and anyone who believes British cinema is dead should be subjected to repeat viewings!

Classics Corner: The Blair Witch Project (10th Anniversary)

2009-02-06T13:28:00.003Z

IN 1999, the landscape of the horror movie genre was changed completely with the release of The Blair Witch Project.
A decade after this groundbreaking movie hit the multiplexes; it is still widely regarded as one of the most important films of its generation.
At the same time, it remains a much-maligned picture by critics and moviegoers alike. I decided to dig it out of my collection in order to give it another whirl and so, ten years later, this review was found...

Before talking about the film itself, it is important to make mention of the hyperbole which surrounded the picture before its release.
The film's producers capitalised on the incredible internet boom taking place at the time, suggesting via online marketing that the events shown in the film – three filmmakers venturing into the woods to make a documentary about the 'Blair Witch' – were genuine, and that the footage had been recovered following their mysterious disappearance.
The movie and its events are entirely fictional, however, but praise must still be lavished upon those behind the Blair Witch Project for attempting such a daring campaign with which to market their creation. This bold movement paid off, and the film is one of the most profitable of all time, estimated to have made around $10,000 for every single dollar spent.
The film is shot exclusively on handheld cameras – a style which has since been emulated by more recent movies such as Cloverfield and Quarantine – and consists of a mixture of colour and black and white film.
In it, film students Heather Donahue, Michael Williams and Joshua Leonard are shown making a documentary about the Blair Witch, a legendary creature rumoured to haunt the woods near Burkitsville, Maryland.
As the film progresses, the trio become lost in the woods, where a number of strange occurrences – with a possibly supernatural element – begin to take place.
The plot is never entirely tied up, and the audience is required to use their own imagination with regards to what has taken place, a factor which only adds to the truly terrifying nature of the movie.
It has since been revealed that the actors were subjected to a genuinely frightening ordeal while filming, often being deprived of food and suffering harassment through the night, meaning the terror depicted on screen is authentic!
The film may not boast a Hollywood style, every-question-answered ending, but that is exactly why the Blair Witch Project holds such importance in the fright-flick genre.
It was vastly different, hugely audacious and it remains a cut above many of both its predecessors and successors to this day.

Film Review: Righteous Kill

2009-01-29T19:59:00.002Z

ANY film with Robert De Niro and Al Pacino in the two leading roles is always going to guarantee some excellent on-screen business being carried out, and on that front, Righteous Kill certainly does not disappoint.
The chemistry between the two icons of the silver screen, teaming up for only the second time in their careers, is very strong from the beginning, and remains so throughout.
By way of contrast, the plot is something of a letdown and the aforementioned 'business' on show is carelessly frittered away.
The film begins with a botched wire-tap on a drug-dealing club owner (50 Cent), which results in the officers in charge of the string, Turk (De Niro) and Rooster (Pacino), being referred to a therapist by their lieutenant.
From there, a story of vigilantism begins to unfold. A serial killer with a penchant for poetry is taking out the remorseless and wrongly acquitted criminals of the city – often perpetrators of emotive crimes such as rape and child murder.
The killer is being closely followed by the veteran team of Turk and Rooster, as well as Detectives Perez and Riley (played by the excellent John Leguizamo and the less convincing Donnie Wahlberg respectively), and it isn't long before tensions run high and fingers are pointed at those within the police department itself.
To reveal any further detail would blow the whole thing wide open, although the ending is nowhere near as big a surprise as the film's creators would have you believe, but I will simply say there is more to the story than a straightforward eye-for-an-eye plotline.
On the whole, the film is by no means terrible and there is enough here to please even the most ardent of movie cynics, although there is a strong argument for the recent career paths of De Niro and Pacino to be called into question, given their willingness to appear alongside the likes of 50 Cent and Donnie Wahlberg!

Film Review: Hancock

2009-01-22T14:44:00.001Z

PURE escapist fantasy is probably the simplest way of describing Hancock, starring Will Smith and Charlize Theron.
The film centres around John Hancock, a homeless and largely dislikeable drunk who appears to possess invincibility.
Within five minutes the viewer is made aware of his capabilities, which include the power of flight, superhuman strength and the ability to resist bullets. Superman with liquor, in essence.
His exploits are clumsy, however, and his fellow citizens aren't happy with his gung-ho vigilantism, and despite saving the life of a struggling PR executive (Jason Bateman) a warrant is issued for Hancock's arrest.
While he is incarcerated, attempts are made to 'market' Hancock as a hero, using the age-old 'You don't know what you have until it's gone' theory as a way of turning the public's feelings around.
When Hancock is called in to diffuse a hostage situation - in his own inimitable style, of course - the film elevates into an adrenaline-fuelled rush of action and excitement.
With explosions, fast-paced battles and a plot twist which, in fairness, you saw coming from the film's early exchanges, Hancock never takes itself too seriously and the viewer should afford it the same courtesy.
Despite it's tongue-in-cheek feel, there are darker elements to the story, such as the protagonist's struggle with alcoholism and anger-management issues.
There is a sloppy attempt to explain the origin of Hancock's powers, which feels rushed and could have been handled better, and the less said about the segment which serves as nothing more than an advertisement for YouTube, the better.
These are minor grievances, however, and overall the film is an entertaining piece which offers the audience something different to the usual superhero-movie fare.

Film Review: The Dark Knight

2009-01-22T14:42:00.001Z

FOLLOWING Heath Ledger's posthumous success at this year's Golden Globes for his portrayal of the Joker in The Dark Knight, I decided to give the film – and indeed Ledger's performance – another viewing.
From the dramatic opening sequence – quite remarkably filmed using a high resolution IMAX camera – the viewer is instantly drawn into the film's detailed and complex plot, which starts with a Joker-led bank robbery in the heart of Gotham.
From there the story unfolds slowly, with director Christopher Nolan's dark and menacing vision building towards an explosion of frantic action which is guaranteed to thrill die-hard and casual cinema fans alike.
It is in fact very easy to forget this is a comic book adaptation, with the film often feeling more like a hard-boiled crime thriller plucked straight from the neo-noir genre.
On top of Nolan's moody screenplay and some stellar character acting from both Gary Oldman as Lieutenant James Gordon, and Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox, the special effects are genuinely mind-blowing, with high-octane car chases interlaced with stunning shoot-outs.
Ledger's performance as the Joker has of course been the subject of much debate, with many critics declaring the overall film's huge success as a by-product of the young actor's untimely death.
This is a somewhat harsh assessment, and his manic performance is one so deeply captivating that it becomes hard to tear your eyes away from the screen, even during the character's darkest moments – of which there are many.
Despite the grit and gloom, the script is awash with witty one-liners, as should be the way with comic book movies.
Throw in the subtle undercurrent of a tricky love-triangle between leading man Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale), his childhood friend Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal) and Gotham's district attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart), ultimately there is something for everyone in this truly epic blockbuster of a movie. But only after you've got over Batman's baffling gravel voice!

Marlon Harewood: Hero or Villan?

2008-02-17T00:42:00.000Z

My opinion on Marlon Harewood has fluctuated more wildly than the stock exchange, and I thought I'd give a brief history of my views on this very divisive individual.

In the early days at Forest, I can't say I had an opinion on him. I'd heard his name, but never really cared to study his form. Was he good? Was he an embarrassment to the club? I was very much in the dark.

My only real opinion of Harewood during his West Ham days came when he scored a hat trick against my beloved Villa in a humiliating 4-0 defeat. And with this being a family blog, I won't repeat those thoughts on 'ere.

So, still grossly unaware of his work - when Martin O'Neill splashed the £4m asking price and beat Wigan to his signature, I thought I'd better do a bit of research.

What I found was quite remarkable. Some fans hailed The Hare as a legendary goal-scoring machine who should be playing for his country and should be playing for his country now, dammit!
While others chastised his embarrassing misses and ridiculed his Goomba-style head, not to mention the very idea that he could play for the national side!

Who was this man? I was still none the wiser as to whether O'Neill was making a brilliantly astute signing or if he was panic-buying and landing Villa with a shockingly piss-poor bench-warmer.

It was a few games before he made an appearance, but a goal against Wrexham in the League Cup (part of a 5-0 demolition of the lowly League Two strugglers) had him pencilled into my good books in no time. Marlon Harewood a joke? Shurely shome mishtake!

Then came the Spurs game.

The occasion was very much Lilywhite-orientated. It was their 125th anniversary, and the celebrations were threatening to overshadow the game itself. Those celebrations went into meltdown when the ever-casual Berbatov gave the East London over-achievers the lead.
That lead was short-lived, and the Jumping Dane, Martin Laursen, equalised within minutes thanks to a completely out-of-character howler from Paul Robinson! Soon after, Villa were in front, after a second Robinson clanger, and just before the break we were cruising to a famous victory when Agbonlahor made it 3-1.
Half time was spent dancing around with me dad, waving claret and blue flags and laughing at the pitiful Robinson and his pitiful outfield cohorts.

In the second half, things went from good to fantastic. Craig Gardner rifled home a superb free kick, and the celebrations in the Madge family household hit their peak. Four goals away from home against a side who were not only meant to be enjoying their birthday, but were also meant to be THE team capable of breaking into the supposed Big Three*.
The Villa fans at The Lane started chanting the hilarious "Happy Birthday to you", and before long, the "You're getting sacked in the morning" chant was being aimed well and truly in the direction of the ill-fated Martin Jol.
This was brilliant. This was what it was all about. This was the Martin O'Neill effect in action, right before my eyes. This was my team, destroying another, and it was only going to get better.

Then Marlon Harewood was brought on as a substitute.

Within a matter of minutes the score was 4-2, and then Harewood decided, upon seeing Darren Bent travelling away from the goal and posing no threat whatsoever, that he would try and decapitate the over-priced forward with what can only be described as a crane kick!
Penalty. Converted. 4-3.

So at 4-3, with just 8 minutes remaining, it was officially time to panic. Hands were trembling, fingernails were being shredded, and then deep, deep, deep into stoppage time, the Spurs they did equalise.
The unthinkable had happened and my heart exploded into a million, trillion bits.

Was this a case of Villa's general inability to finish a game? Was this a case of the Gods of Fate working overtime? Was it a case of Spurs having the heart and character to fight back?

No. It was all Marlon Harewood's fault. The cone-headed twat!

It was reactionary and it was petulant, but I insisted I never wanted to see Marlon Harewood in a Villa shirt again. I felt hurt and confused. This guy didn't seem so bad. He'd scored for us earlier in the season. And now he'd broken my heart and shattered my dreams. How could he do this to me? Why would he do this to me?!

I meant what I said, and I wasn't prepared to give Harewood another chance. He'd been given the opportunity to become a Holte End Hero and he'd blown it. Nothing he could do from now on could make up for that. Nothing.

In fact, I thought I would be enduring a severe case of deja vu when he was brought on as a substitute against Blackburn. We were away from home. We were three goals up. We were playing quality football and toying with the European places.
"If Harewood comes on, who knows what could happen?" I remarked.
He scored a few minutes later (his 100th league goal) and we won 4-0. But I was stubborn and I was sticking to my guns. Nothing he could do from now on could ever make up for the Spurs game. Nothing.

Then came Liverpool v Villa.

I'll be honest and I'll say it now. In this game, we were absolutely fucking awful. We were without Gareth Barry for the first time in 3858943 games and we looked like it. There was no leadership, there was no heart, and there was NO distribution at all.
We'd win the ball extremely well, thanks to Nigel Reo-Coker, but we'd pass it straight to a red-shirted goon and find ourselves under a rather large cosh. We were a goal down at half time, and a goal down after an hour.

Then Marlon Harewood was brought on as a substitute.

I screamed, I shouted, I damn-near cried my eyes bloody! I was fuming and I didn't care who knew it. We needed to score, not attempt to murder Liverpool players with kung-fu. Why was this sorry excuse for a Villa player being brought on? Something did seem different, but still, it was all over now, surely? The transcript with my father probably went something like this:

"Harewood?! No! Why is he bringing him on?"
"He'll probably score"
"He wont! He's shit! I can't believe he's bringing Harewood on! Have you forgotten the Spurs game? He nearly killed Darren Bent with that kick and - blimey, he looks quite pumped up and ready to play - I hate him"

He was on the field for 5 minutes, if that, and all of my ludicrous fears were allayed.

Marlon Harewood scored what could be the greatest goal of his career, and in doing so, redeemed himself completely. I leapt higher than O'Neill in celebration and all was forgiven. Mighty Marlon had emerged and bygones were bygones.
Three minutes after Marlon's spectacular overhead volley, we were in front and the roof of my house still hasn't recovered. Thanks to Harewood and his pumped up, passionate attitude, we had turned the game on its head and were looking at a crucial victory.
As it turned out, we were pegged back ourselves three minutes from time and it finished 2-2, but that really is by the by. In hindsight, it was a point from a game in which we'd played an hour of terrible football and probably should have lost.
And it was all thanks to the man I'd previously turned my back on. The man who I didn't want to see playing for my club again. The man who I'd decided was a true waste of £4m.

The man I now utterly adore.

Since the Liverpool game, he hasn't stopped endearing himself to me, the crazy scrunch-faced loon!

He hit the bar against Blackburn, shone in a poor team performance against Fulham, and totally changed the game against Newcastle (One nil, and you fucked it up!), even being described as a 'bully' by the very non-Messianic Kevin Keegan.
To be truthful, I'm still not totally sure a starting place for Harewood is a good idea, as he is a player who seems to thrive on making an impact as a super-sub, but there's still a strong case for a Carew/Harewood partnership in the starting 11.

And now, there really isn't a lot left for me to wax lyrical on as far as The Hare is concerned, other than to apologise. To make amends for all my previous criticism and hatred. To retract my derogatory comments and to embrace this superb player as a true Aston Villa legend.

Marlon Anderson Harewood, I salute you!

* There is no Big Four. And if there is, historically speaking, we're already part of it, babAy.

Welcome to Fictional Pulp

2007-10-15T22:18:00.000+01:00

This is it!

Fictional Pulp is a blog I will actually update regularly. A blog I will actually take seriously. And a blog that will amuse and depress you in equal parts. And if it doesn't? I cannot and will not help you. Not now and not ever. Alright?

I can only show you the door. It is you who must walk through it.